Is It a Straight Problem of Erectile Dysfunction?

Almost every time a man angrily shoots from the hip to empty his rage into a woman, it’s most likely a simple case of a  failed erection  compensating for limp affliction which cannot be reversed.

The national lottery board Play Whe man seems to like playing  4 everyday in a  game where loads of women can be seen delighting in satisfaction while cashing out their winnings at the legal and illegal booths in celebration of all dead men who have left them waiting in vain  in love and marriage in Sexy T+T.

“If you see my child’s face”, Marva Bostic repeated as family members and friends sat and stood alongside her in comfort and shared grief.

She briefly spoke to the media and said, “He (her daughter’s estranged husband) was owing Tom, Dick Harry and Guppy and every Monday morning she had to pay a bill”.

Keisha Bostic was a secondary school teacher at the Point Fortin Secondary School and was qualified as an attorney-at-law.  Bostic’s friend, Sharon Loney, a former People’s National Movement Councillor in the San Fernando City Corporation, said that 

She was leaving her home at around 6.30 a.m. when she was confronted by Mohammed, who pointed a firearm at her.

Mohammed fired several rounds and she was shot to the upper body and abdomen.

The  husband shot himself, fell and died in the front yard of the house.

Relatives in the house took Keisha to the San Fernando General Hospital where she died while undergoing treatment.

The incident occurred approximately 30 meters away from the Anstey Memorial Girls’ Anglican School.

Killed: Keisha Bostic

Psychiatrist Dr Varma Deyalsingh noted that violence against women was already a global phenomenon, however, he said it was up to individuals around women to curb this.

As such, he noted if people saw drastic changes in the lives of the women around them, they should take note, and bring it to attention where necessary.

“We no longer can survive in a world where we keep our heads down and mind our business. If you see drastic changes in behavior, like they say they don’t want to go out with friends anymore or are not checking their family, or if they are religious persons and no longer want to go to church, take note of these changes. These are usually how persons express being controlled and isolated. So make a judgment decision and inform authorities as you see fit. And it’s important to know we have units such as the Gender-Based Violence Unit that can facilitate such actions. Where you can inform them and they will do their own enquiries to see what follow-up, if any, is needed,” Dr Deyalsingh said.

A Trinidad Guardian story by Alexander Bruznall on December 31, 2021 stated that Thirty-three women have been killed for 2021 – a 36.2 per cent drop from 2020 where 47 women were murdered, 22 of whom could be directly traced back to domestic situations.

In November Supt Claire Guy-Alleyne, head of the GBVU, noted that the TTPS had seen increased reports of domestic violence since the pandemic, stating that in 2020, 899 people had made reports while as of November 24 this year, 858 such reports were made.

While she noted that the majority of these reports were from women, these numbers also included men and children.

Guy-Alleyne noted that for 2021, 26 of the 400 murders had a direct link to domestic violence.

In 2020, for the comparative period, the number of killings directly as a result of intimate relations stood at 40– 18 men and 22 women.

According to the US Statistical Research Department, 

 In 2021, there were slightly more male victims of violent crime than female victims, with about 1,456,310 male victims and 1,278,390 female victims.

According to the Economic Commission for Latin America and the Caribbean (ECLAC), on average 12 women are murdered a day across the region. However due to data limitations, the ECLAC numbers do not include Brazil, a country with one of the worst records of gender-based violence.

33 women murdered in in T+T 2021

According to an article the website Trends in Urology and Men’s Health article by Ziyan Sheng :

A single occurrence of ED can be a very distressing event. Fear, anxiety and stress are common emotional responses, but one qualitative study found that actually the most common initial reaction was a sense of emasculation.4 This feeling can be particularly intense in young men, with one individual describing it as ‘total humiliation’ and a ‘profound feeling of being less than anyone else’.5 Understandably, this can deepen any insecurities and have a subsequent impact on an individual’s romantic relationship. When the issue was severe and long lasting, some even felt suicidal. The perceived inability in some men to pleasure their partners was another major concern, with some feeling they were ‘letting their partners down’ or feeling terrified that their partners would leave them because of this issue.4 This, unfortunately, turns out to be the reality for many.5 Crucially, this can lead to men withdrawing intimacy at a time when the relationship is often at its most vulnerable, which can leave the partner feeling unwanted and unloved.

Adeina Adana Alleyne

The perceived inability in some men to pleasure their partners was another major concern, with some feeling they were ‘letting their partners down’ or feeling terrified that their partners would leave them because of this issue.4 This, unfortunately, turns out to be the reality for many.5 Crucially, this can lead to men withdrawing intimacy at a time when the relationship is often at its most vulnerable, which can leave the partner feeling unwanted and unloved.

“The deleterious effects of ED can also occur outside established relationships. For those not in a relationship, it is not uncommon to feel apprehensive about the idea of forming new relationships or seeking new sexual partners. Even on the

Forging of a new relationship, the affected individual may be hesitant or embarrassed to disclose his sexual dysfunction due to the fear of rejection”, Ziyang stated.

A partner’s wellbeing is of paramount importance too. A relationship is only effective when those in it truly understand each other. Without clear communication, and acknowledgement of ED, the problem can persist and affect the partner. One study highlighted that 69% of men with ED described it as a ‘problem’, while 74% of women with a male partner with ED stated that it was a ‘problem’.8 Similarly, 75% of men who considered their ED to be an issue reported sexual dissatisfaction, compared with the 82% of female partners of men with ED.8

Common feelings among partners of men with ED are a complex mixture of rejection, guilt, feeling unloved, shame and frustration. Coming to terms with the problem and trying to understand why it occurred is undoubtedly difficult. Indeed, trying to rationalize the problem can lead to upsetting thoughts of no longer being attractive, worrying about the possibility of infidelity, and being concerned about the general health of their loved one.

The importance of communication cannot be emphasized enough. The inability to communicate aggravates; however, this is the key foundation for effectively treating ED.

In this context therefore, is it possible that our educators, policemen  and medical doctors may be looking in the wrong place in their attempt to alleviate the alarming rate of femicide in Trinidad and Tobago? 

Love Birds Before Murder

So, instead of collecting the empty shells after the fatal, shootings generated by a need to possess and control the woman, shouldn’t we be seeking to help the man who has gone mad over his inability to come up to scratch, by teaching him to access that love for himself which, – based on abuse – he feels he never had, and therefore blames the ever-warm and willing woman for his state of arrested development?

It’s something for the movers and shakers to think about, especially when the beautiful women of T+T sway sensuously past our ogling men on Carnival Day, always waiting for the King of the Band.

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